5 Steps for Effectively Critiquing a Story

5 Steps for Effectively Critiquing a Story

Anybody Can Write a Novel

Chapter 8 “Editing Your Novel” – Section 1 “Effective Criticism”

With Links to Supplementary Material

I've discussed some tips for editing—both your own work and the work of others. Today, I'm going to start an ongoing series in partnership with 1deathgod to demonstrate effective strategies for editing a manuscript, which we will continue through the course of many drafts. Please keep in mind that I have requested that all of her excerpts start in their roughest form and that she only make the edits that I recommend, for the sole purpose of this demonstration. Left to her own devices, she would have doubtlessly pursued many more improvements but has chosen to leave her excerpt in a raw form for the sake of this tutorial.

Step 1: Read some of the text without doing any sort of editing, so that you can sample the flow and level of natural immersion of the story.

-In following this step, I found it very hard to immerse myself in the story. The paragraphs felt like lists of veiled and confusing information that interrupted the pace and flow of the story. (Note that by attaining an overall impression, I can begin to dissect the story and investigate what exactly caused the problems that gave me that impression.)

Step 2: Go through the manuscript and make annotations (through either parenthetical notes like I will be using, or through your word processor's comment feature) to mark the major errors.

-Be sure to be exact about what the problem is, why it is a problem, and some options for how to fix it. Otherwise, your critiques will just seem like unhelpful opinions.(Note that I am not bothering to correct minor details like grammar, spelling, and punctuation. These, we save for the last draft, unless it becomes a major and ongoing problem, simply because the text will change and be completely rewritten too much for these minor corrections to really matter.)

Step 3: Review the problems in the manuscript, and create a code and legend for the specific problems that are frequently encountered.

-When you have a repeating problem, it will often take up too much space and time to constantly write out the problem For this reason, you need to create a code that you will provide, along with a “legend” at the beginning of the manuscript, for the writer to reference later. Even for a short excerpt, this save a tremendous amount of time.

Step 4: Review the top strengths of the manuscript.

-Not only does beginning a critique by mentioning its greatest strengths encourage the writer and disarm him/her so that he/she is more receptive to criticism, but it also helps them see the strong aspects of their manuscript, which they can emphasize in later drafts.

Step 5: Summarize the top three aspects of the manuscript that need improvement.

-After going through and noting as many problems as you can, you'll want to summarize the top three fixes needed for drastic improvement in the next draft. We begin at three (and perhaps progress as we develop a relationship and rapport with the writer, and judge that they're able to handle more) because we don't want to overwhelm them, and because focusing on a limited number of problems helps the writer to keep a tighter focus of improvement when writing a new draft.

Effective Critique Sample

Legend:

AS – Author Shenanigans: Purposefully not showing something, or occluding information that the Point of View character clearly knows.

CDD – Confusing Dialogue Device: When abnormalities in the dialogue are not clear in their purpose, for the reader.

II – Incomplete Image: When there is not enough information for the reader to clearly see the scene.

NF – Not factual: poetic prose that is not factually true.

PA – Psychic author: The narrator describes the emotions or thoughts or motivations or feelings of a character other than the POV Character chosen for that segment of the story.

UDT – Unnecessary Dialogue Tag – A dialogue tag that needlessly uses a term other than “said”.

UI – Unnecessary “I”: Using the word “I” unnecessarily, in a first-person narration

Top Strengths:

-You immediately create a quick and interesting pace as you delve directly into the action and core conflict of the story. While you may yet need to create a brief introducing at the beginning of it all in order to create a more vivid picture of the action, the fact that you immediately delve into the main conflict of the story serves it well, and makes me want to continue reading.

-From what I can see so far, you have created a world that is actually interesting and different from the ones I've seen in other works of fantasy. Again, this compels me to want to continue reading.

Top Three Elements to Improve:

-Make sure that your audience and your Point-of-View (POV) Character are on the same page. If we are to trust him to guide us through the story, we need to be able to trust that he will give us all the relevant information and sensory detail as he has at his disposal.

-Take more time to subtly describe key aspects about the scenes, monsters, and characters. Right now, we have no idea what anyone looks like except for gender, and in one case skin color. We want to know how they dress, how they carry themselves, their skin color, their build, their age, and any other key attributes. These must be woven subtly into the story, without making them seem like just a list for each character.

-Find a way to discover and use each of the characters' names. At the moment, you use “the girl,” “boy,” and “the woman,” or one of your mysterious titles, each time you reference them. Find a way for the POV character to discover and begin to use names so that we can become further immersed in the story, and begin to humanize and familiarize ourselves with the characters.

Prologue by 1deathgod

Zack

(Note: I would normally write these comments in another color or with highlights, but am limited in this example by the tools available in DA's Stash Writer.)

I stopped in the doorway to a rundown shop, holding my side and hoping the pain would subside if I could just catch my breath. But the sound of claws on stone interrupted my short pause. I gasped in one final breath and started running again. That Catcher (Code: AS - Here, your protagonist knows what a “Catcher” is, but is purposefully keeping this information hidden from the audience. If he is going to think about them and introduce them as a factor in the World you've created, then the audience in entitled to the same information. I recommend either not yet introducing the thing that is chasing him [and leave it a mystery to him as well] or showing us the creature.) had my scent now. I didn’t dare to look over my shoulder. If I didn’t watch where I was going I might trip over the uneven cobble stones, or, worse, stumble upon another Catcher. I had to survive this night if I was going to save her. (Code: AS - Her—another example of intentionally keeping information from the audience. If we're going to see things through the eyes of the protagonist and empathize with him, we must trust him. And we can't trust him if he's purposefully teasing us with information that he won't share.)

(Code: II - I see that you are trying to create a setting and initial image of the protagonist and the predicament that he's in. The problem is that I don't have much indication of the time-period, or what sort of shop or city the protagonist is in—making the image of the world incomplete. Try using subtle indicators to reveal this information (cobblestone streets, neon signs, horses, carriages, cars, etc...) to give me a more completed picture of your setting.)

I rounded a corner and to my amazement saw an open door at the end of the alleyway. I poured on as much speed as my tired legs could muster. My breaths came in sharp gasps now. My lungs and legs both burned with rebellion (Code NF - They didn't burn with rebellion. His mind may have, but his arms and legs burned from lack of oxygen in the blood or muscle exhaustion. Avoid statements that aren't factually true and anthropomorphizing things that are inanimate like legs. I realize that it's an attempt to create a poetic prose, but it does not fulfill its purpose). I had to make it to that door. (Code AS - Why? Is the door unbreakable? Are Catchers incapable of opening doors?) It was my last chance to escape the Catcher.

I heard ripping cloth (Code UI - A difficult task in learning to write in the first-person is cutting how much you say “I” so that the story becomes more immersive. Instead of “I heard” or “I saw” just say the “A claw shredded my shirt” or something like that, that cuts the “I” out of the sentence.) as the Catcher snatched at my back. I felt its claws rake my skin and send an explosion of fire across my back (Code NF - Again, factually incorrect, Try “a feeling like an explosion of fire across my back, or something like that). I screamed and nearly stopped in my tracks. The only thing that drove me on was that one thought. If I died tonight, she would die too (AS).

I rushed through the doorway and rammed into the wall (II – I don't understand what you mean by “and rammed into the wall”. With what? How hard? Why? Was there a wall right behind the door? Why didn't he stop?). The Catcher’s claws shrieked against the stones as it skidded to a halt. It let out a frustrated wail. (Code PA – It is important that you write solely through the thoughts and perceptions of your Point-of-View (POV) Character, or make some sort of chapter break when you decide to head-jump. We do this because the author can become more immersed in the story when they know the lens through which they are seeing the story. Assuming to know the motivations and thoughts of characters other than the POV Character, breaks this immersion, like making the audience watch a movie through two screens at one. I recommend just saying that the Catcher “wailed”.)

“Run along now little Catcher,” said a woman’s voice behind me. I turned to face her and was rewarded with a view of the back of her head. “You know you can’t enter this house.”

The Catcher wailed again before sullenly turning away.

The woman chuckled and closed the door. She then turned and stared at me with ruined eyes. (II – Give us a quick description of what this woman looks like, so that we can visualize this scene you've created.) “Sorry for not wearing my sash tonight. It is rather late and I forgot that you were coming until I sensed your fear.”

“You’re . . . a . . . Keeper?” I panted. (AS – What is a keeper? The protagonist clearly knows.) (UDT – Just use the word “I said” and then indicate that he is panting. See my article on Action Scenes for full details as to why we want to avoid “unnecessary dialogue tags”.)

“Yes, and you’re in my nest. Normally people ask for permission before entering a Keeper’s nest, but, considering the circumstances, I’ll forgive you for your rudeness.”

“What . . . about . . . the . . . girl?” (AS) (CDD – Make sure that when you add something new to the dialogue like these ellipses, there is a clear reason for it. I assume it's because he's panting, but I'm not certain, and that is distracting.)

The Keeper smiled, but there was no warmth in it. “You won’t meet her for a few years yet. She isn’t due to discover herself for some time.”

    I crumpled to the floor, all my energy leaving me. My muscles burned from overexertion. “No!” My voice came out as a whimper. (AS)

    “Relax, child. You’ve entered my nest, so you’re going to survive. My name is Lia. Have you heard of me?”

    I shook my head, too exhausted to speak.

    “No matter. Tomorrow I will teach you to respect that name. For now, I leave you in my Messenger’s hands.” (AS - What is a messenger?) A pretty black girl (II) appeared next to me holding a red Keeper’s sash. “His back is rather bloody, Celeste. Clean up the mess he made after you get him bandaged up.”

    “Yes, Lia,” the girl said, handing the sash to the Keeper.

    I felt something wet on my face and realized I was crying. Celeste knelt in front of me, wiping away a tear with her thumb.

    “Don’t cry for her,” she muttered so softly that I barely heard it. “Lia has her secrets, but she never lies. You will live to save this girl you’ve dreamed of. I promise.” Then she placed a soft kiss on my lips and pulled me to my feet. “Come with me. I’ll take care of your wounds.”

    I let her pull me along after her, too weak to resist. It was only after Celeste had bandaged my back and left me to sleep in the infirmary that I realized Lia had disappeared.

    ‘Who is this woman?’ I wondered as I lay on my stomach in the darkness. ‘Who is the woman who saved my life?’

    I closed my eyes and hoped that everything would become clearer in the morning.

    End of Sample.

A special thanks to 1deathgod for her willingness to participate and be publicly criticized for the sake of this tutorial. This is a brave step that she purposefully took in publicly revealing a manuscript that she purposefully left in its roughest form. So please, no criticisms of her work in the comments. Instead, please visit her page and shower llamas upon her for all her help.

Feel free to comment with other suggested resources. Any questions about writing? Things you want me to discuss? Comment or send me a message and I will be glad to reply or feature my response in a later article. If you enjoy my reviews, please feel free to share my articles with friends, add it to your favorites, become a watcher on my page, or send send a llama my way!

Originally posted at www.facebook.com/JosephBlakePa… (Feel free to “Like” and subscribe)

And: josephblakeparker.wix.com/theb…

And: josephblakeparker.deviantart.c…